


You are in Love

by pressurerin



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Can I chill, Can Isak and Even chill, Depressive Episode, Even needs to relax but also same tbh, Geez, M/M, Proposal kinda, This is the sappiest shit ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 08:55:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10987578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pressurerin/pseuds/pressurerin
Summary: Even is so in love with Isak. Isak feels the same.





	You are in Love

**Author's Note:**

> Uhhh hi. So I wrote this a few weeks ago and never posted it because I'm not super happy with it, but I figured I might as well post in case someone would enjoy it. Basically these are just different scenes inspired from lyrics in You are in Love by Taylor Swift. Just so you know, it skips around a bit, so paying attention to the dates can help with context. I hope you like it. <3 This is so fucking sappy who am I? Also I didn't edit this because doing so stresses me out so I apologize for any grammatical mistakes.

_You can hear it in the silence.  
_ May 9, 2017

Even was terrified. He knew Isak wouldn’t pressure him into anything, but he deserved to know. Isak deserved to know. He just couldn’t manage to spit the words out.

“Um,” he started, his voice shaking. He couldn’t look at Isak, couldn’t bear to see the pity and hurt that would come with what he was about to tell him. Isak deserved to know.

“Mikael was… my best friend at Bakka. Me and Sonja were on a break and I…” Even felt like he couldn’t breathe. He thought that he was over all of the heartbreak and confusion and devastation he had gone through. He was finally happy now with Isak. Shouldn’t happiness make all of this go away?

He closed his eyes when Isak slipped a hand in his and squeezed reassuringly.

“It’s okay, baby. You don’t need to tell me if it hurts.”

He shook his head adamantly. No, he needed to do this.

“I thought I was in love with him. It didn’t feel anything like this, but he just… meant a lot to me I guess. I tried to kiss him.” He felt a tear slip out of the corner of his eye. Isak moved to brush it away gently.

“He… didn’t react very well to it. He’s really religious and he just kinda freaked out. He told me to never touch him again.” No matter how hard he tried, Even couldn’t stifle the hiccup of a sob that escaped his lips. He couldn’t escape the vivid memories full of hurt that all came rushing back. His face crumbled, and he heard Isak moan. Two hands reached out to cup his face.

“It’s okay. I’m here. You have me. You’re not alone. Look at me Even, please.” Isak pleaded, trying to tilt his head back up to meet his gaze. Even couldn’t look at him.

“I tried to understand what was wrong with me. I memorized the entire Quran in Arabic when I was manic and I posted a bunch of shit on the revue page about how gay people were going to hell. After I crashed…” He couldn’t continue. He couldn’t upset Isak further than he already had, Isak didn’t deserve that. Isak didn’t deserve him. He was only going to hurt him. He would never be able to forgive himself if he hurt Isak.

“I’m so sorry, Isak.” He choked as he collapsed in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest as he fell apart. He couldn’t hear anything but his heartbeat in his ears, couldn’t feel anything but a lonely aching in his chest, couldn’t think anything but _you’re so fucked up_ and _you’re going to hurt him._

“No, no, no, Even. Baby, please, look at me. There’s nothing you have to be sorry about.” Isak sounded frantic. Even put his hands over his ears. He couldn’t listen.

“I tried to kill myself.” He whispered. He was met with silence.

After a few moments of nothing but quiet, he found the courage to open his eyes and look up at Isak. His heart broke to see his boy’s face streaked with tears, an expression of horror and hurt on his perfect face. Even hurt him. He hurt Isak, and he was never going to forgive himself.

Isak didn’t say anything as he flung himself into Even’s arms and pressed his face into Even’s neck, his favorite spot. Even held him so tight and rocked them back and forth. His neck was wet from a mix of his and Isak’s tears.

Isak didn’t say anything as he rubbed his hands on Even’s back, in Even’s hair, over Even’s face, as if he was trying to memorize the feeling of Even’s skin under his own. He fisted his hands in the front of Even’s shirt as they both cried and cried and cried.

Isak didn’t say anything as he lifted his head and looked in Even’s eyes. His eyes bore into Even’s soul. He closed his eyes as he brought their foreheads together, nudging noses and sticky cheeks. Isak didn’t say anything.

And yet, the silence said everything.

Even was drowning in desolation and despair, his most painful memories coming back to ruin him. But Isak was here to bring him back to shore. Despite the anger, despite the hurt, all he could feel was overwhelming love for the boy wrapped in his arms.

How could Even possibly succumb to the waves when this boy, full of light and love and warmth was there to keep his head above water?

Nothing else mattered when Isak here, heart beating against his chest. Isak, the boy he loved more than anything in the world. The boy who saved him without even knowing.

He held Isak close. They cried, they kissed, they trembled.

They were going to be okay.

 

**┅♡┅**

 

 _You can feel it on the way home.  
_ April 21, 2017

Even had lost Isak.

They were at a party with the boys, and Isak had followed Jonas into some bathroom to smoke after Even had reassured him at least eight times that _no, he didn’t mind_ and _yes, he would be fine without him for a little while._ That was over an hour ago, and his boy was nowhere to be found. Even sighed as he scanned the crowd yet again, searching for a glimpse of those silky, blond curls. The silky blond curls that he would get to bury his face in tonight as he and Isak fell asleep in _their_ bed in _their_ apartment and-

“Even! Hey, bro!” His daydreams were interrupted by a very drunk Magnus, and Even was relieved.

“Hey, Mags. Where is Isak?”

“Oh, we’re all outside, bro! Isak is so wasted, you _have_ to see.” Magnus grabbed his arm enthusiastically and dragged him through the crowded party.

The sight outside made Even stop to pause and recollect his thoughts because _Jesus, his heart._

Isak was sleepily draped on Jonas’s shoulder, a soft smile on his face. He seemed to be falling in and out of consciousness, his eyelids drooping every so often. He was so fucking cute Even didn’t even know what to do with himself.

“Hey Even,” Jonas and Mahdi greeted him warmly. Isak’s head shot up at the sound of Even’s name, and he immediately started making grabby hands toward him.

“Hey guys,” Even replied distractedly as he walked over towards his boy, kneeling down in front of him. He only had eyes for Isak.

“Hi baby,” he said more softly as he reached out and brushed some hair away from his face. Isak smiled at him sweetly, his expression drunk from alcohol and love.

“I missed you,” Isak replied as he nuzzled his face into Even’s hand. Even’s heart felt like it was going to burst. Even after spending half a year as the object of Isak’s affections, he still felt overwhelmed by how much he adored him. He knelt down and kissed Isak’s cheek once, twice, three times before pulling back.

“Wanna go home, sweetheart?”

Isak nodded sleepily in response, scrambling to his feet and throwing his arms around Even’s neck. Even reached out and grabbed his waist, steadying him.

He waved goodbye to the boys and laughed when Isak saluted in farewell. Even kept an arm wrapped around Isak’s waist to keep him from stumbling as he dragged him back through the party and out to the bus stop. Isak buried his face in the crook of Even’s neck and sighed.

“Even?” He whispered.

“Yeah, baby?” He rubbed a soothing hand up and down Isak’s back.

“I love you.”

It wasn’t the first time Isak had said it, not even close. But every time felt like the first time, every time left his stomach swarming with butterflies. His heart swelled as he pressed a gentle kiss to Isak’s hair.

“I love you too.”

The bus ride back to their apartment wasn’t long, but Even wanted to live in the moment forever. Isak was pressed up against his side, their hands intertwined, his boy’s head resting on his shoulder as he dozed off. He squeezed Isak’s hand every so often to ground himself, to keep himself from getting swept away by the overwhelming love that had made its way into every crevice of his body.

They were going home. _Their_ home. Jesus, it had been two weeks, but Even already knew he would never get tired of remembering that. He didn’t know how he got so lucky. Tonight, they would fall asleep wrapped up together and they would wake up the same. Every morning he would be able to watch Isak sleep, would get to caress him awake and laugh as he scrunched his face up in protest. Every day would start with eggs and coffee, dancing in the kitchen with his favorite person in the world. Every night would be spent cuddling on the couch, laughing when Isak pretended to hate his “ _pretentious hipster films_ even though Even knew he secretly loved them. Yeah, Even was the luckiest fucker on earth.

Isak stirred a bit in his sleep, snuffling as he buried his face further into Even’s chest. Even looked down at him fondly and ran a hand through his hair.

“We’re almost home, sweetheart.” He whispered into the top of Isak’s head.

Even couldn’t help but think that he was already home with Isak’s hand in his.

 

**┅♡┅**

 

 _You keep his shirt. He keeps his word._ _  
_ August 11, 2017

Even was drowning.

The fall had been brutal this time, and he didn’t know if he could ever come back up for air again.

All he wanted to do was sleep. He slept all day and all night, trying to escape the thoughts that plagued every inch of his brain.

_You’re fucked up._

_You’ll never be enough._

_You’re alone._

He could physically feel that Isak was beside him, holding his hand and caressing his greasy hair. Isak whispered sweet things to him, sweet things that made him feel nothing. He was sucking the life out of the boy he loved, he was ruining him. Even couldn’t forgive himself.

Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall back asleep. His brain wouldn’t turn off. His thoughts wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t let him breathe.

Those were the nights he would cry, but only when he was sure Isak was asleep. He couldn’t bear hurting him even more. He was destroying both of them.

“Even?” Isak whispered brokenly, curling around Even’s back protectively. Fuck, he must have heard Even sobbing.

_Worthless. Psycho._

“Even, sweetheart. It’s going to be okay. I’m here. I’m here, I promise.”

He couldn’t say anything in response, just curling into himself even further. He was so alone in his head, no one there to fight off his thoughts with him.

Isak didn’t leave his side even though Even didn’t speak for a week. He brought him food and coaxed him into eating it. He held him and stroked his cheek. He changed him into fresh clothes every few days.

“You’re not alone,” he whispered over and over again. Somewhere in the back of Even’s mind was finally starting to believe it.

“Hey baby?” Isak whispered one morning when Even was feeling minutely better. Even rolled over to face him, and he looked stressed out.

“My mom is having a really bad day, and I was thinking of going to visit her. Would that be okay?”

“Of course,” he replied in a gravely voice. God, he had made Isak feel so chained to this apartment he didn’t even feel like he could visit his mom. Even was the worst.

“Would you want to come with me?” Isak questioned hopefully. Even’s heart sank even more. He wanted to be there for Isak, wanted to hold him while he faced the cruel realities of life. But he couldn’t.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think-” he started, squeezing his eyes shut, unable to look at Isak as he let him down yet again.

“Hey, none of that. Don’t blame yourself. It’s okay, we’re okay,” Isak reassured him.

Isak stood up to get dressed, glancing back at Even worriedly every so often.

“You sure you’ll be okay?”

Even gave him the faintest of smiles.

“I’ll be fine, I’ll just sleep I think.”

Isak leaned down to kiss his forehead and run a hand through his hair.

“I’ll be back before you wake up, I promise.”

“Do you think…” Even trailed off, feeling stupid at the request he was about to make.

“What do you need, baby?” Isak was so good to him, too good.

“Could I have one of your shirts to sleep in? One that smells like you?” His voice sounded impossibly small and helpless. Isak’s face lit up.

“Of course, sweetheart. Whatever you want.” He tugged the Simpsons t-shirt he had on over his head and Even sat up to put it on. He felt instantly better surrounded by Isak’s scent.

When Even woke up later that day, he found himself once again surrounded by Isak’s comforting arms.

Maybe…

Maybe he wasn’t completely alone in his head. Isak had wormed himself into every part of Even.

"You'll never be alone again," Isak promised.

Even believed him.

 

**┅♡┅**

 

 _You kiss on sidewalks. You fight, and you talk.  
_ February 17, 2017

Even was really fucking annoyed.

All he wanted was to spend a night without thinking about his disorder. He just wanted to be _normal._ Any other twenty year old boy could go out to a party on a Friday night and drink with his friends without it being the end of the world. He was so fucking tired of people treating him like he couldn't take care of himself.

“Babe, why don’t we cool it with the alcohol for now, hm? We can do it together?” Isak batted his eyelashes at him as he made hands to take Even’s beer away from him. Even swatted his hand away.

He knew Isak meant well, but that didn’t make it any less annoying. He just wanted to be _normal._

“Fuck off, Isak.” He said, more malice in his tone than he really intended. He was drunk and angry, alright? He was allowed to be angry.

Isak looked taken aback before hurt spread across his features.  

“Well sorry for trying to look out for you.” Isak crossed his arms over his chest and glared right back at Even.

“I don’t need you to take care of me! I’m a fucking adult!” Why did no one trust him to make his own decisions? When was everyone going to stop fucking babying him?

“I know that, Even. I’m just trying to do what’s best for you. Geez, calm down.” Isak looked more hurt than angry now, his lip trembling as he glanced away, looking anywhere but Even’s face.

“Well, stop. I don’t want a fucking babysitter. You’re acting like Sonja.” Even knew as soon as the words left his mouth that he had crossed a line, but there was no way to take it back.

Isak didn’t say anything. He just stood up and shoved his way through the crowd, disappearing from Even’s line of sight. Even clenched his jaw and took another swig of his beer.

“That was kinda fucked up, Even.” He looked over to see Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus looking at him in disbelief. He had forgotten that they were there, witnesses to his outburst.

“Yeah, man. Do you have any idea how hard he tries? You comparing him to Sonja is like, his worst nightmare,” Jonas said. He was glaring at him, and Even felt vulnerable under his gaze.

“You guys have no idea what you’re talking about.” He turned his gaze back towards the wall so he could sulk in private a bit more, not caring if it made him seem like a petulant child. They didn’t understand and they never would. No one did.

“No, Even. I know Isak better than anyone. I don’t care if you’re mad him, you hurt him.”

Even was well on his way to becoming drunk, but he would never be too inebriated for those words to not sting. _Fuck_. Hurting Isak was his worst fear.

He pushed himself off the couch quickly, stumbling as all the blood rushed from his head. He needed to find Isak. He shoved his way through the house to the front door and ran past the drunk game of beer pong that was happening on the front lawn. Isak was nowhere to be found.

He jogged down the street in the general direction of the nearest bus stop and his heart broke. Isak was there on the sidewalk, bundled up in a coat and scarf, collapsed on his knees. His shoulders were hunched and it sounded like he was crying. Even from far away, Even could tell that his body was shaking. He needed to fix this.

“Isak?” he yelled questioningly, even though he knew it was him. He could recognize Isak Valtersen from a mile away. Isak’s head shot up at the sound of his voice. He ran over towards the boy on the ground as fast as his tipsy legs could carry him, the situation sobering him up with every step.

“Issy, come here,” Even sat down cross legged on the sidewalk next to him and let Isak crawl into his lap, facing him. He ran his fingers over Isak’s wet cheeks, collecting the tears that had gathered there.

“I’m so sorry,” Isak croaked. “I didn’t mean to monitor you. I’m just bad at this, I guess.” He grimaced and looked down.

“No, baby. I’m sorry. I overreacted. We’re both still learning.” He brought their foreheads together and breathed Isak in.

“I just,” Isak hiccuped, “I just read something the other day and it really scared me and I should have talked to you first I know but I’m not very good at talking about things.”

“What is it?”

“I just… saw an article that said every manic episode someone has gets a little worse than the last one? And that really scared me because I don’t want you to have to go through that.”

God, his boyfriend was so fucking sweet. Even loved him.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” he whispered in response.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just holding each other, all traces of animosity gone. It was easy to forget that this was hard for both of them. They were still figuring it out.

“Baby, next time you get scared I want you to talk to me, okay? I know it sounds easier said than done, but I can’t know what you’re thinking if you don’t tell me.” Even pressed a kiss to Isak’s forehead, cheek, nose.

“I’ll try. Do you…” Isak sounded insecure. “Do you think you could maybe not compare me Sonja again?”

Even mentally cursed himself. He knew he had only really told Isak the worst parts about his and Sonja’s relationship; the times when she treated him more like a kid than as her equal, the nights spent screaming at each other because she crossed their boundaries time and time again. But, as much as he was glad that their relationship had ended, Sonja wasn’t a villain. She stuck by him when no one else did, when all of his other relationships went to hell.

Still, he knew how much it had to hurt Isak when he made that comparison. He knew Isak wasn’t trying to be his babysitter, he just didn’t know how to handle his own feelings sometimes.

“I won’t, and I’m sorry. Could you try and let me make some of my own decisions about parties? You know I’m not trying to go crazy, I just want to feel normal sometimes.”

Isak nodded and brought their lips together gently. They would figure it out.

 

**┅♡┅**

 

 _You two are dancing in a snow globe round and round._ _  
_ December 2, 2017

Nothing was cuter than the sight of Isak all bundled up, and Even would fight anyone who disagreed. The only parts of him that were visible were his beautiful eyes and the tip of his cute, flushed nose. He was so adorable Even could barely look at him, but he also couldn’t look away.

“Stop staring at me you weirdo,” Isak mumbled, not looking up from his phone, not needing to see Even’s gaze to know it was there. Even just grinned down at him.

“I can’t! You’re too cute,” he declared, sighing dramatically as he leaned over to press a kiss to Isak’s nose. Isak rolled his eyes, but Even knew he was secretly pleased if the blush gracing his cheeks was any indication.

_So cute._

“You’re cuter,” Isak shot back.

“I thought you were supposed to be the smart one here, baby? That’s clearly not true.” Even leaned back over and nuzzled their noses together, a wide smile taking over his entire face.

“For fucks sake,” Jonas groaned. “Will you two knock it off? I’m trying to eat here!”

Oh right. Even had forgotten that the boys were here too.

They were all sitting around on a park bench eating kebab for dinner after an afternoon spent at the skate park. It had been a great day, and Even’s heart was full of love. Sometimes he still couldn’t believe that he got to have this.

Magnus gasped.

“Oh my god, guys! It’s snowing!” He set down his food and immediately stood up, twirling around with his hands out to try and catch snowflakes. All the boys laughed at his antics.

“We live in Norway, Mags. It snows all the time,” Isak said as he rolled his eyes. Even was endeared by both of them.

Suddenly he got an idea.

“Baby, dance with me.”

Isak’s head shot up and he gave Even an incredulous look.

“What the fuck, Ev? It’s freezing and there’s no music.”

Even raised his eyebrows at him. Did Isak really think that either of those things could stop Even from being extra? He stood up and grabbed Isak’s hand that wasn’t occupied by a phone.

“Come on! Up!” He urged Isak, pulling at his arm until Isak groaned and let himself be dragged to his feet. Isak pocketed his phone and stared at Even wearily. It was so cute; everything he did was so cute.

Even could live in this moment forever. Isak looked so beautiful illuminated by only the streetlights, and Even couldn’t help but succumb to the overwhelming urge to hold him tightly. He manipulated Isak’s arms so that they were wrapped around his neck, and he reached out to situate his own hands on Isak’s waist. Pulling him closer, closer, not close enough. He started rocking them side to side as he brought their foreheads together. Isak stood stiffly, not melting into Even’s arms the way he usually did. The snow was coming down harder, swirling around them.

“Come on, baby. Dance with me,” Even whined into Isak’s ear. He pulled away to twirl Isak under his arm, and Isak fell back into his chest giggling.

Everything around them faded away as it usually did when they were together. It was only them, spinning and laughing on the sidewalk in a blur of glimmering white.

If Even had eyes or ears for anything but the boy in his arms, he might have heard the comments being made about them.

“Jesus, they’ll never get out of their honeymoon phase will they?”

“I can’t believe we’ve had to look at this for an entire year.”

“Shut up, guys. They’re perfect for each other.”

But, Even didn’t care about anything else, what anyone else had to say. All that mattered was Isak.

“Happy one year anniversary, baby.”

 

**┅♡┅**

 

 _One night, he wakes, strange look on his face. Pauses, then says, “you’re my best friend.”_ _  
_ July 1, 2017

Even loved drawing Isak.

His sketchbook was full of page after page of Isak’s eyes, hands, nose, lips. Everything. Every part of him was beautiful, every part worthy of appreciation.

Isak had never seen Even’s sketches, but Even knew he had a hunch they were all of him. He probably wasn’t very subtle, staring at his boyfriend intensely as he did homework or played video games. Isak never commented though, just smiling to himself and continuing on with whatever he was doing.

His boy was passed out on the other side of the bed. He snuffled in his sleep every so often, his hand searching the empty place where Even usually lay. Even reached out and tangled their fingers together with the hand that wasn’t otherwise occupied. This seemed to placate Isak’s subconscious, and he fell back into deep, peaceful sleep.

Even sat there for god knows how long, just gazing at Isak and attempting to come even remotely close in recreating his beauty on the page in front of him. Even could never do him justice, but he damn well wasn’t about to stop trying.

Suddenly, Isak stirred, sitting up and rubbing at his eyes sleepily.

“Ev? Why are you still awake?” Isak looked concerned, likely counting back the months in his head trying to remember when Even’s last episode was. Was it too soon for another one? Isak’s eyebrows were furrowed in thought.

“I’m fine, baby. Don’t worry. Was just drawing.”

Isak’s gaze softened a little as they smiled at each other through the dimly-lit room.

“Ev?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

Isak reached out to tangle their hands back together, an unbearably fond look on his face.

“You’re my best friend, you know that?”

Even’s heart clenched. He knew Isak loved him, but at times, he didn’t think it was possible for Isak to even remotely understand just how strongly he felt for him, how deeply he had situated himself in Even’s heart and mind. This was one of the moments when he knew; Isak felt it just the same.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Yeah,” Isak replied affirmatively, scooting closer to burrow himself into Even’s embrace.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell Jonas.”

Isak giggled and threw his arm around Even’s waist. Ah, fuck it. He could draw in the morning. Even shut his sketchbook and discarded it off the side of the bed before rolling back over and scooping Isak back into his arms.

“Iss?”

“Yeah,” Isak breathed weakly.

“You’re my best friend too.”

 

**┅♡┅**

 

 _You could see it with the lights out._ _  
_ June 21, 2020

Even never thought he would get married young.

With Sonja, he never daydreamed of the day when he would make her his wife. He didn’t fantasize of how she would look walking down the aisle, and it never made his heart race to think about the possibility of being hers forever.

With Isak though… it was all he could think about. Seriously, Even was obsessed.

Even after years of living together in a dingy apartment, Even never stopped feeling amazed when he woke up with Isak’s body tangled in his own. He never stopped losing his breath when Isak blinked awake, illuminated by the glow of the sun. It never stopped feeling earth shattering.

He isn’t sure when the thoughts really started.

Maybe it was from the beginning. After all, he had proclaimed to Isak that they were _so fucking getting married_ only weeks after getting to know him. He was never one for subtlety. But, at some point, those thoughts started becoming completely real.

He wanted to call Isak his husband. He wanted Isak to be his forever (he liked to think that he already was, but he wanted to make it official, god dammit). And maybe that was breaking all the rules of their little game. They were supposed to take things minute for minute, and fantasizing about marriage and forever really didn’t fit that criteria. He couldn’t find it in himself to care, though, at the thought of Isak being his in every way possible.

The only problem was, he wasn’t sure what Isak would think. After all, what kind of sane person proposes to their twenty one year old boyfriend after only a few years together? At least no one would think Isak just got knocked up. But, it definitely wouldn’t be conventional.

He wanted it so badly he could barely breathe. Sue him, he was a romantic.

Isak was catching him staring more often than usual lately, and Even knew he was starting to get suspicious that something was going on. How was he supposed to explain it?

_Sorry I can’t stop looking at you, baby. It’s just that I can’t stop thinking about us getting married and you being mine for the rest of our lives. It’s casual, nothing to worry about here._

It was only a matter of time before Even let something slip.

They were lying in bed after celebrating Isak’s birthday all day long. It was a satisfying day. The lights were out and they were just holding each other in the darkness.

“What are you thinking about?” Isak asked him softly, rubbing up and down the side of his arm.

“We should get married,” he blurted out without thinking. Isak giggled in response.

“What, right now?” He clearly thought this was a joke. Even was in too deep now to back out.

“No, I’m serious. I want to marry you.”

Isak blinked at him.

“What?”

“I know we’re young and everything but it’s seriously all I think about. I just want to marry you. I want to be with you forever.”

Isak clearly didn’t know what to make of this outburst. He simply stared at Even, trying to understand what was going on.

“Baby, are you feeling okay?”

“Isak,” Even replied, exasperated. “I’m not manic. I’m serious. I love you with all my heart and I want you to be my husband. Yeah we’re both young but we’re in love, right? So why should that matter? I don’t know, it’s stupid. Forget about it.”

“No, Ev. It’s not stupid. Is that really what you want?”

“So much it hurts.”

Isak had always been prone to blushing, but his entire body was more flushed than Even had ever seen it. A big grin spread over his face and he moved to crawl into Even’s lap, straddling him.

“Yeah? You wanna make me your husband?” He punctuated his sentence with a hard kiss to the side of Even’s jaw. His boy laughed giddily, kissing him all over his face. Even was so happy he could cry.

“Yeah, baby. It’s all I want.”

Isak crashed their mouths together, immediately slipping his tongue into Even’s mouth. They both moaned as Isak shifted himself closer, tugging at Even’s hair.

“Yeah. We should get married,” Isak panted.

Isak squealed as Even flipped them over, kissing Isak all over his body. They couldn’t stop laughing, smiling, touching. It was the happiest moment of his life.

“I love you more than anything in the entire world,” Isak whispered breathlessly.

The room was dark and Even could barely see his face, but he could see it in his eyes. Isak meant it.

“You mean everything to me.”

 

* * *

 

**┅♡┅**

 

_You are in love._

Isak had never known what love was supposed to feel like.

His parents never showed any sort of affection when he was younger. There were no kisses after his dad came home from work, no meaningful glances shared over a morning coffee. Their love wasn’t all-consuming, but it was sturdy. Or so he thought. When his dad left, he broke his mother’s world in two, and she spent the days alternating between blankly staring out the window and shattering picture frames. So, Isak thought, maybe love was destruction and hurt and fists slammed against the wall. Maybe love was feeling so broken that the world stopped spinning, just dangling uselessly on its axis, no purpose.

He didn’t know what love was when he kissed a new girl every weekend. All he wanted to do was _feel something_ , and he tried to find that in soft curves and sticky lips. He held their hips and let them grab his hair and all he could think was _is this what it's supposed to feel like?_ He grasped Sara’s hand and hooked up with her in the middle of the school day. He smiled and high fived the boys when they exclaimed, “nice bro!” and “landed yourself a hottie!” He pretended to be happy. Maybe love was that empty feeling in his stomach when he pretended to like girls, their flowery perfumes and soft edges. Maybe love just wasn’t something he could feel.

He tried to understand what love was when he listened to his friends describe girls. He looked at their exuberant facial expressions when they described a good hook up or a date they had been on. He played along, laughing and cat-calling at exactly the right moments. None of it meant anything. He looked at girls and he felt nothing, nothing that would make him want to run to his friends and tell them about this _awesome_ girl he met and how much he wanted to see her again. Maybe love was just as real and wonderful as everyone claimed, but he hadn’t met the right girl yet. Maybe love was something he just had to look for a bit harder.

He thought he knew what love was when he fell for Jonas. He looked at his best friend and felt _more._ More than what he should. He watched Jonas kiss Eva, and he listened to him gush about how perfect she was, and he wanted it all to end. He felt more and more disgusted with himself as he manipulated their relationship to the breaking point. _Maybe someone will finally feel how I feel._ Maybe love was hopelessly pining after someone who would never even consider looking at you in _that_ way. Maybe love was self-destructively hurting everyone around you, lashing out and hoping they understand how broken you feel because _he doesn’t like me like that and he never will._

Maybe, he thought, love just wasn’t for him.

He was wrong the whole time.

Love was Even.

Isak felt love when Even kissed him, both soft and sweet and hard and hungry. He was convinced that nothing would ever make him feel the way Even’s lips did when they were pressed against his own. His heart overflowed when Even opened him up and pressed slowly inside, taking care of him like no one ever did, like no one ever would. Even kissed his tears away and whispered sweet things against his mouth, and Isak was so in love he didn’t even know what to do with himself.

He felt love when Even held his hand in front of everyone, unashamed, daring anyone to make an offensive comment. Isak knew Even would have killed anyone who tried because _“you’re my baby, Isak, god damn it. No one is allowed to hurt you.”_ He slowly became more sure of himself and he stopped shying away from public displays of affection. He learned how to love himself again, because how could anything that felt this wonderful be wrong?

He even felt love when they fought. Even when he was angry, so so angry that he was seeing red, there was a voice in the back of his head whispering _don’t screw this up. You can’t lose him._ They screamed at each other when Isak forgot to do the dishes and they both had a bad day. They seethed and cried and yelled when Isak nagged Even about his medication and Even knew he could never understand just how numb the pills made him feel. They spent days apart, glancing longingly at their phones, hoping the other would be brave enough to make the first move. And every time Even got so under Isak’s skin that he couldn’t see straight and became a walking ball of fire and rage, Even was still the thing he loved most in the world. Nothing else mattered when he could lay his head on his boy’s chest and feel his heartbeat against his ear. They were the most important thing.

Isak was so, so, so in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading <333 Let me know what you thought if you feel so inclined. :)


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